Friday, January 27, 2006

Okay, so I lied

So I lied. I don't really want to write a book. If I did want to write a book, I would already have written it. I would have:

  • found an agent
  • selected a subject
  • chosen a title (from the hundreds of great book titles I've concocted over the years)
  • submitted a proposal
  • or answered Xlibris affirmatively
  • paid my money to self publish
  • paid my dues (Have I not done this yet?)
  • turned my back on seemingly more important things (as Frederick Bueckner does)
  • edited my last post more carefully

The ether is full of dreaming these days, and much consideration of what we truly want out of life. Here, in part, is what Cindy said on Tuesday, January 24, 2006: (click on Quotidian Light in my links to connect with Cindy's post.)

Thinking Out Loud: On Knowing What One Wants

This week I received a rejection letter for my last submission. There was once a time when I would have been devastated. I hardly even blinked when I opened this one. It's not that I've become immune to disappointment through Rejection Letter Repetition so much as that I've made a discovery in the past year--publication doesn't seem to be what matters so much anymore...I thought I knew what I wanted.... And to some degree I evidently succeeded. Why, then, the definite diminishment of desire instead of an increased wish to continue?

We yearn for something, set ourselves to accomplishing or acquiring it, and then stand befuddled, holding it in our hands, staring at it as if to ask, "How did I get here, and why did I think I wanted this?"...

So I've got to give this more thought. I, like Cindy, am perplexed about what I really want. And what does it mean, anyway, Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart?" Since I am a little foggy about the desires of my heart, perhaps it is time for a clear call to "Delight in the Lord." Now how do I do this?


anj said...

I like this alot, and am smiling as I write, wondering what is in store for you.

Cindy said...

I wonder... Thinking out loud, here, Connie, but if our outer-world dreams hold within them seeds/bits of our Truer and deepest God-given dreams, what is it about the idea of writing a book that has resonated so strongly for you?

Maybe it's not that you need to give up the book dream, but to understand it, to interpret the desire dreams in a manner similar to that with which you approach the sleeping dreams--for clearer understanding of what it's calling out to you...

Or is that just too out there?

Fred said...

Well, it's not that you lied, it's just not the right time. You never know...

annie said...

It will be intersting to see what develops from your giving this more thought.

I also have to admit, I laughed out loud at the desire for a fuzz free face (maybe that is one of the less serious questions I would ask when I get to heaven)!